A guest post by Jhyl Loughlin.
So... THE Tom Jones comes on stage.
My first thought is "sick" -- he's old and gross. (To be fair, he's 67).
I wonder aloud if or HOW anyone could actually be attracted to him. He's got his goatee and eyebrows emphasized with dark, black stage make up.
He's so tanned he looks like an orange puppet.
He starts singing and comes off and frail, his voice seems weak. I spend a bit more time watching Tony, one of the sexy back up singers (because seriously, oh my god he was hot). I try to imagine how sexy Tom might have been in his prime and think hey, too bad about all the plastic surgery, make-up and spray tan.
But then something expected but hilarious happens.
Tom starts belting out "She's a Lady" and his brass section has these over-the-top choreographed moves with horns going up over their heads and down. It's great, the 90% female audience is loosing their mind. No sooner has the song begun and a lady in her 40's comes ba-dunk-a-dunkin' down the isle with a thong spinning on her finger. She goes up to Tom and throws them on the stage. This starts a whooooooole exodus of panties and one after another 40-60-something women saunter up to the stage to fling their saucy little numbers at the big Tom.
And then I discovered the predictions were true -- the power of Mr. Jones's vocal chords IS in direct correlation with the number of panties on stage. All of a sudden, he starts thrusting, groin-rubbing and singing with ferocity "You Can Leave Your Hat On". He was... um... (I wasn't going to, but that's the word...) GLORIOUS.
All of a sudden,
the crowd goes *really* wild.
I look to my left to see what the big deal is and there is a women, probably in her 70s, WITH A FREAKING OXYGEN TANK moving her way up to the stage. I mean full out - like a tube across her face in her nose and she's carrying a tank of oxygen. Honestly, she might even be 80.
Nope, it's not a bathroom break. This feisty lady is getting in on the action.
She moves, very slowly & deliberately, up to the stage and throws her red, lacy panties (BIG red, lacy panties) on the stage and blows some kisses to Tom. She then turns around with the BIGGEST grin and makes her way back to her seat. I thought I was going to pee my pants from laughing and my face hurt from smiling. I really cannot explain how fantastic this moment was.
It is not very often you see the underwear of someone with an oxygen tank.
He stops mid-song, looks down and says, "You shouldn't be wearing things like these!".
The thing about Tommy, is that even though he's an old timey crooner and mostly ridiculous, campy and kind of a joke, he's in on the joke.
And that makes him awesome.
I would like to say, that once T.J. sweated all his stage make-up off and started loosening up, crooning, dancing, thrusting and grabbing his groin... I'm not going to lie to you... I saw the sexiness of Tom Jones.
And he is very, very sexy. (This surprises me more than you, I'm certain.)
He was done by 9:00 because Mr. Jones has old timey values and an old timey schedule...That's how he rolls.
I've never wanted SO badly to take off my panties right there and throw them at someone; Nevermind someone who could be my friend's Grandpa. But... much respect to him and whatever it is about him that make someone 40 yrs his junior feel so torn about this decision.
I repeat. I saw the sexiness of Tom Jones and the panties of a woman with an oxygen tank. My face still hurts from smiling...it was awesome.
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